The entire article/interview is very good...
from msn.com
Before UConn coach Dan Hurley reached the top of men’s college basketball for a second consecutive year, he had poignant advice about what it takes to get there.
Yes, he has to have measurable talent, he said, but he also has to take a hard look at you: the parents.
Parents, he says, can be destructive to his team if he lets them infiltrate its culture, poking and prodding and coddling in the selfish interest of their sons.
“Are they gonna be fans while they’re on campus or are they gonna be parents? Hurley told CBS earlier this month ahead of the men’s final with Purdue. “Are they going to hold them accountable, have an expectation that, when something goes wrong, that it’s not the coach’s fault? That their son’s gotta work harder, he’s gotta do more, he’s gotta earn his role.”
“They tell on themselves,” he continued. “They drop hints. and (if) you’ve got the wrong type of people in that inner circle around your players, they’ll sink your program.’
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Kenny Blakeney: In order for some of the better kids to play on some AAU teams, AAU directors, AAU coaches, will allow some of the parents to travel with the team, and now they feel like they have some ownership or partnership or some type of stake within that program because now (they) have some power.
That's where this all starts. And other AAU programs are calling around the parents and saying, "Hey, well they gave you guys this; we can offer this," and it becomes a negotiation. And now the parent even has more power.
And as you kind of matriculate through that process, from 12 or 10 or whatever age a kid starts until 17, 18, 19, when they complete their AAU journey, it's been a negotiation and having input. … Now, it's coming to college and it’s, "Hey, we've been able to do this our whole life and now we want a voice in your program." Everything has been a negotiation, so they see it as being a part of just a natural process.
USA TODAY: So they actually try to negotiate playing time with you?
KB: Negotiate position, playing time, NIL now … like, "Do I get floor seats? If we're traveling, how many tickets can we get?" And it's an entitlement that seeps into the kid, which seeps into the team. That can really damage and separate a team.
You just have to have very stern and non-negotiable conversations. And if they're willing to abide by conversations then you could possibly move on, depending on how you feel (about) the character of the parent and the (player).
But we've passed on kids and are passing on kids right now. I just passed on the kid yesterday who’s more talented than our level, because his guardians or family is demanding us that the kid plays the two or the three (position). And it’s like, “If that's what you're demanding now and you're not even here, what are going to be demands once you get here?"
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USA TODAY: Dawn Staley and Cori Close do semiregular Zoom meetings with parents. Do you do anything like that?
KB: We have done some initial Zooms with parents … we call it the State of the Program. We typically try to have those conversations during the recruiting period, and certainly in person.
Just last night, I had to have a really direct and transparent conversation with a parent that I know and love. But parents become such an issue and a factor, like with this young man.
If things are getting tough and the (player) is calling home and saying, "Coach made us run extra hard today." If the parent is like, "Well, why is he doing that?" And, "That's not right and that's not fair," now that (player) has some doubt. It starts to seep into their psyche. And now, does that seep into our team? Does it grow like a cancer? Does it start to spread and morph? Because it can start just like that.
The parent needs to say, "Well, son, maybe those things are good for you. Maybe those things are good for your team. Maybe those things are the things that he sees that you guys need to do to be successful. Stop complaining and embrace it."
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USA TODAY: Are a lot of parents looking for a well-rounded experience like that or do you find people are focused on basketball only?
KB: It's gotten to the point where it's, just, "What’s my NIL? And how many minutes am I gonna play and what what position am I gonna play?"
Where have we lost sight of like, graduation? Where have we lost sight of internships? Where have we lost sight of, "Can we find mentors on campus and in the community that can help my son grow and develop contacts and resources to position him for the next 40 to 50 years of his life?"
Those are the things that I'm concerned with that I have a deep interest in to seeing these young men and, for us, young women succeed.
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USA TODAY: I think the message for parents is, the sooner you let your kid be their own person as an athlete, the better off they’re gonna be.
KB: But it's also the sooner the parent can just be a parent and not be a "momager" or a "dadager," or a mom that’s an agent or a dad that’s an agent. Now you have this false sense of power that you think you can manipulate and negotiate and supersede yourself and programs to have some power for yourself or for your kid. What happens when your kid’s done? Where's your value at, then?
Some of these parents are super involved and then their kid doesn't reach the mountaintop they think they should reach and they just kind of, their sense of purpose, their sense of who they are is now gone and thrown out the window. Instead of just supporting, loving and being a parent. That should be your sense of worth.